A New Journey: 8/6/2012

   It should come as no surprise that I am not happy with my body and have been praying for motivation and strength to do something to change myself. Well, my prayers have been answered as I was selected to participate in a ninety day CrossFit challenge! I had no idea what I was getting myself into until after I was selected. I read over the obligations and rewards of the challenge, we (the lucky ones who were selected) will work out three times a week, have before and after photos taken, and get a makeover at the end of the challenge. This is all being put together by a local magazine here in Boerne. I don't start my journey until September 3rd but I am already very anxious to begin. I've told family and a few friends, everyone seems to be very happy for me but I've also been caught off guard with the "Do you even know what CrossFit is?" question. Truth is, no I didn't. Holy Moly I have been doing research and can I just tell you now I can't even do a push-up, not even a girl push-up. When asked to rate my athletic ability I ranked myself a two- I can breathe and walk. My body is going to be shocked if I don't do some prep work! Below are some photos of people doing the CrossFit workouts. I will definitely keep everyone posted on this blessing I have been given!

The List: 8/3/2012

Only seventeen days until in service begins. Grrr, this hasn't been the greatest summer so I am thankful for the distraction that my job will bring. One thing I hate about going back to work is how fake everyone is; "How was your summer, what did you do?"; I've decided to say either "It sucked, or Do you really care?". You see I watched this movie the other day where a twenty four year old woman found out she was dying and she didn't tell anyone. She didn't tell her husband, mother, or her children. She made a list and on that list she included being honest and saying what she really felt. I'm also dying (we all are), but unlike the movie character I wasn't given a deadline. Everyday is a gift. I'm not going to waste it anymore. I am going to be happy and allow God to write the chapters of my story...in pencil. 

Current mood: Frustrated. 

Here are some additions to my list:

I guess it's pretty obvious I am ready to step out of my comfort zone and travel! I am terrified of planes, change, and being away from home. It's never to late to start...

Eff, Marry, Kill: 7/26/2012

link up here

Megan Fox's Men

Shia Labeouf

Brian Austin Green

David Gallagher

Eff: David Silver.. I mean Brian Austin Green

                                                                    Marry: Shia Labeouf (duh)

                                                                                                             Kill: David Gallagher

  

Oh, How Pinteresting! 7/25/2012

Join the link-up here

Happy Wednesday, here are this weeks favorite Pinterest finds:

I hope you find humor in these pins. Enjoy your day because someone, somewhere, did not get another today.

The List: 7/24/2012

I have two birthday wishes to send out today: The first goes to my adorable niece, Riley Marshall Foster, and the second to my anonymous friend who was there for me at Kyle's passing.

Now, last week I started a collection of items that I would like to check off of my pseudo bucket-list.

Here is another round for your Tuesday:

I Never got to say Goodbye

*This post contains language that might be offensive to some*

"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either, in the end, life if stronger than death. Kyle's love will remain flowing throughout my heart. He always knew exactly what to say and do to make my life easier and happier. Never have I loved a man so much and so deeply. I miss him everyday and my heart aches for him. He never stopped laughing in his crazy high pitched voice, he was always bouncing around and there was never a moment when he wasn't showing me affection. Kyle Andrew Silvas is the love of my life and the answer to all my problems, he was my Prince Charming, only not on a white horse but in a black tahoe we called the dump truck. He gave so much of himself to me, now i have memories and photos which i will cherish and one day we'll be together again to live eternally in Heaven, just like God has planned." - These are the words I spoke at Kyle's funeral five years ago.
  
    I remember the day as if it were yesterday. No one can understand the magnitude of emotions felt by losing someone to suicide. It's the worst club to be a part of. I never thought I could be happy again, laugh, live, or even love. Life for me and the ones he left goes on but Kyle gets to be 25 forever, and we all get to miss him for the rest of our days. Today I want to focus on celebrating  Kyle, even if that is a difficult task considering the roller-coaster of emotions this date brings, I know it's important to remember the great times. 

Our first date!

**As mentioned in the previous post you can click on my donate button to help me reach my goal of $1,500 for my walk in Kyle's memory**

Below are some facebook conversations that Kyle and I shared and some are from after he passed:


And yes, I still write on Kyle's facebook wall. His profile picture is no longer there which makes me sad but it's still a way to express myself. Sometimes I send him private messages while other times I am raw with emotions. This post helps me heal and get through the motions. The loss of Kyle is a broken piece of my heart that will never close, it won't heal, and it will be apart of me and my story. God gave me this unimaginable struggle to show me how strong I am. I am blessed because of that. It's important to mention that everyone grieves in different ways, none of which are right or wrong, I am not here to be judged or judge anyone.

******************************
(our song)

What Hurts The Most lyrics

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

*****************

 ·  · July 25, 2007 at 3:59pm ·

Catherine Hogan Dryden

‎********
i am getting married in two weeks! holy moly. i love you & hope you are still watching over me & now blake. i also hope my sweet angel tinkerbell is safe with you. isn't bella bell a cutie too? :)**********

 ·  · October 16, 2010 at 4:08pm

• Kyle Silvas

  Thnx for the unforgettable time last nite... Well maybe I forgot a lil bit but, ur a great girl and I'm glad I got to spend my last nite in TX wth U, I love you!!!

   ·  · June 30, 2007 at 10:07pm · 
  
• 
  

  Kyle Silvas

  I miss duchess and tinx!!! Get ready for friday hoho:)

   ·  · June 26, 2007 at 11:01pm · 
  
• 
  

  Kyle Silvas

  Ill be there this thurs to celebrate ur late bday and my venture to vegas! Miss u and tinx!!!

  
  

  
  

  • Kyle Silvas

    Merry X-MAS!!!!My family wont stop talkin bout you! they are already talking about next year... if we dont tie the not they may try to adopt you! love u babe... give tinkerton a kiss for me!
    ps... tell the hogan funny farm from my fam to you yours merrry christmas

    December 25, 2006 at 9:27am
  • 
    

    Kyle Silvas

    I miss my bubby and my tinkerton!!! i may be bck in san marcos sooner then planned... so lets reunite :) tell fodal ill be there and he better do something crazy... see ya soon babe

    December 24, 2006 at 9:14pm
  • 
    

    Catherine Hogan Dryden

    ‎**********
    i love waking up to Ali screaming bloody-murder while the Fox & the Hound is on tv. it was such a tender holiday celebration with your family. i already mailed my southern hospitality cards b/c i'm so awesome. let's hurry & reunite in san marcos...i know you just LOVE houston =)
    ******************

    
    

    

    Kyle Silvas

    Never a dull moment Hogan!

    February 7, 2006 at 6:16pm
    

    
    

    Kyle Silvas

    I love you more than a fat kid love cake! :) Hogan you're the best

    November 5, 2006 at 1:02pm
    

    Catherine Hogan Dryden

    ‎*********
    just thought about how you would 'run/hop' i love it. i also enjoy remembering all the tender things you would do just to make me happy...not a lot of sauce, put water in the ranch but don't tell me, every thing second, touch the door three times, your side, bad bitch... you are the only person in this entire existence that knows the true me, i gave that to you, i counted on you, i need you now! you are my sanity and now i don't even fucking have that. i miss us. i just want to see you one more time, i can be selfish too. love you bubby.
    ************************

     ·  · September 18, 2007 at 1:35pm · 
    

    Catherine Hogan Dryden

    ‎**********
    still not feeling better. i miss you so much. everyday all i think about is you. the air is getting colder and it reminds me of how we would just sit outside, smoke, talk, laugh, and cuddle. even though the things we did weren't a big deal then, everything is amplified and is a big deal now. i was in the shower earlier thinking about death & dying and realized i have a terminal illness...life. i would do anything to be where you are. i wish you were still here. i love you and can't believe how hard this shit is. with all my heart i love & miss you...
    ************

     ·  · October 5, 2007 at 1:53pm · 
    

    Catherine Hogan Dryden

    ‎*******
    this just fucking sux. your mom got the flowers i ordered for her. who would have ever thought i would order an ornament from heaven? i just want you to know i am angry and upset. thanks a whole lot for not being here. i might sound selfish but i do not care....
    ***************

     ·  · December 24, 2007 at 11:22pm · 
    

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