Pray More, Worry Less

   So, I've been on a little hiatus and I needed it. I am feeling like I have nothing to write about. Normally I try to keep this as a journal, maybe even a diary, but when I put my feelings and thoughts out "there" people whom I know in real life are able to read about what's going on inside of me, and that is hard at times. I will start by saying that I didn't ever want this blog to be about my infertility, it sort of just happened because I am struggling with infertility and it's on my mind 45% of everyday.

   I took a blogging break to begin in vitro fertilization. We began as soon as my most recent miscarriage ended. When I first took the hiatus I was planning on writing this blog post about the whole process and post pictures of my injection site, the embryos, all of the medications, and then finally a picture of our little baby or babies first ultrasound picture. God had other plans for us. After two failed cycles of IVF we are here, not pregnant.

   My husband and I have learned a lot about our faith, our love for each other, and that God will take care of us. There has been heartache yes, and I have been weak, but with God's grace I have the strength to continue on this journey. Right now after three and a half years of negative pregnancy tests, and of positive pregnancy tests that ended with angels in Heaven, we need a break.

  During IVF I had to take a break from my weight loss goals and wasn't doing anything in the gym, so now I am focusing on my fitness journey, again. Blake has been incredibly supportive and takes a late lunch to go to the gym with me (mainly because I am terrified of lifting weights alone...for now).
I am enjoying this time of rest and nurturing my body through exercise and lots of prayer.



Little Things

   Lately I have been giving thanks for the little things that we often take for granted. Have you ever felt that your heart lacked gratitude? Well, I have. I've found myself becoming bitter, often resentful, and I've now reminded myself that not only am I saved by His grace, but I am lucky. When I think that my boss is not treating me fairly I remind myself that I am blessed to have a job and a boss who has feedback for me. When driving behind someone whom I believe is driving poorly, I thank God that I have a car, and am capable of driving. Sometimes it's the tiniest things that need the most thanks.
   With so much chaos and uncertainty in this world I'm certain of one thing, I am blessed, and saved by His great sacrifice. Remember that. We all have much to be thankful for, even in these troubled times.







It Happened Again

  I have been debating on whether or not I wanted to blog about this. I've decided that it's something I need to share.
   This summer we found out that we were expecting, again. I can't describe the mixed emotions that came with seeing that positive pregnancy test. Fear, excitement, caution, and shock but mostly joy. Those of you who have followed our journey know that the past three years have been quite a struggle. Obviously the joy outweighed the fear, but we were quick to be cautious. Blake and I didn't share the news with anyone for fear that somehow we would jinx it. Appointment after appointment we were in awe and full of grace at the miracle God had given us. Each week that passed we were so thrilled to see our little one growing and getting bigger. Then, three weeks ago at one of our regular weekly appointments we discovered that our little one had stopped growing. We were told I would need to have surgery to remove the baby (D&C). My heart sank and the dreams I had for the pregnancy slowly faded away. After my surgery our doctor sent some of the tissue off to be tested, and we will find out soon the cause of our miscarriage. Blake and I will also have the option of finding out the gender, I have mixed emotions about this. We haven't yet named the baby like we did with Asher, I don't know if I want to this time around.
   I had my surgery two weeks ago, and continue to heal both physically and emotionally each day. It isn't easy but with God's grace and mercy I am getting by. We are humbled by the prayers, texts providing comfort, and for all of the love shown to us. This isn't the end of our journey, it's simply just another bump in the road, and with each bump we grow stronger as a couple and our faith in Him gets deeper.
  



That One Time I was Flexible...

   On Wednesday afternoon my sister Caroline and I decided to take a yoga class after working out. The class started at 4:30 and we both thought it would be thirty minutes of stretching, relaxing, and winding down from our day. Wrong. I must backpedal and tell you that once upon a time this chunk of meat was a slender yoga goddess; that's right, I am no novice. Cut to twelve years later and add 70lbs some weight, and you will find me in the now. I struggled through yoga class. It was a wake up call for me. When I look in the mirror I do see a big person, it's true, but I do not see someone who is obese or incapable of getting back in shape. My body however, believes otherwise. Things that I used to be able to do so well did not come easy, my balance is terrible, I can't even plank for fifteen seconds! This was Miss. Caroline's first class and you couldn't tell. That bendable minx was doing headstands, the splits, and really showing me up! My point is, I am now really aware that my body is nothing like it used to be. I'm a little bit sad but I know that if I just keep working at it I will be back to how I used to and I will feel better. God has definitely taught me patience. So with time and patience the yoga class will get easier.

it's ok!

It's ok...

...to wish it were summer spring break. (seriously that two week break was nice)

...that I felt sad when I noticed someone stopped following me.

...that I missed Bible study this week so I could 'prepare' to return to work.

... that I am ridiculously excited to fill out my new calendar.

... to expect BIG things in a new year.

... to get pumped for throwback Thursdays on instagram, follow me @hohodryden.

... to spend frivolous time trying to figure out what American Horror Story season three will be about.

... to ask God for the same thing everyday.

Hallelujah today is my Friday, thank you stock show! The Mister has referred to my Christmas break as the never ending vacation. Jokes aside I think we (teachers) deserve the time that we do get off of work.

Fill in the Blank Friday: 11/16/2012

1. My best quality is my compassion and empathy for all things, both living and non.

2. One of my less flattering qualities is my laziness; it's becoming a problem for me.

3. I'd rather be at home in bed, cuddled up with the mister and the frups.

4. Something I've been challenged with lately is patience! God is giving me a lesson and I am s l o w l y beginning to appreciate it.

5. I am looking forward to doing my best to spoil the mister on his birthday (near future) and obviously becoming a mother (God's timing).

6. A super random factoid about me is I am from a family of seven children; yes, same parents! We are all super close and talk at least once a week. I have the best memories of my childhood and can't imagine life without them.

7. I want to celebrate each day as a gift from above.

   This weekend I will be traveling to Austin to celebrate my sister, Caroline. She was married on November 4th in Mexico and we could not attend the wedding. My Godmother is throwing her a post-wedding shower and if it's anything like mine then it will be fabulous! I wish you a wonderful weekend and a very happy Friday!

Wish List for the Home

$12.99 at Target

$29.99 at Target

Ikea rug for bedroom $19.99

Ikea rug for living room $99.99

Missoni for Target ottoman

This little bird is actually a smoke detector!

   Lately I have felt like I want to redecorate the house and de-clutter! Blake will faint when he reads this, but it's true. I am ready to make each room it's own unique treasure. I hope to get started with the de-cluttering and cleaning out of things next weekend. I will most likely spend this week going through my closet room and bedroom bagging items up. My goal is to make myself busy with other projects that I don't have the time to focus on other distractions. God is so good, all the time!

Oh, how Pinteresting! 11/7/2012

Thanksgiving edition.

Fill in the Blank Friday: 9/21/2012

link up here

Fill in the Blank Friday: 9/21/2012

1. Something I am very proud of is: overcoming certain anxieties. I've been implementing new techniques to control them.

2. My favorite thing about myself is: my compassion for all living things.

3. My favorite color for fall is: different from last year, I like the deep plum colors this year.

4. Something I've been learning lately is: everything is in God's timing. No matter how much I hope for certain things I have learned that I can pray about it and when God knows that I am ready it will happen. Patience.

5. A book I am reading now is: 50 Shades of Freedom.

6. My favorite Pandora station is: Britney Spears Radio.

7. This weekend I will be: getting rid of junk around the house! I can't wait to have a trash bag in my hands so that I can simply walk around and toss ANYTHING I haven't touched in the past six months!

A New Journey: 8/6/2012

   It should come as no surprise that I am not happy with my body and have been praying for motivation and strength to do something to change myself. Well, my prayers have been answered as I was selected to participate in a ninety day CrossFit challenge! I had no idea what I was getting myself into until after I was selected. I read over the obligations and rewards of the challenge, we (the lucky ones who were selected) will work out three times a week, have before and after photos taken, and get a makeover at the end of the challenge. This is all being put together by a local magazine here in Boerne. I don't start my journey until September 3rd but I am already very anxious to begin. I've told family and a few friends, everyone seems to be very happy for me but I've also been caught off guard with the "Do you even know what CrossFit is?" question. Truth is, no I didn't. Holy Moly I have been doing research and can I just tell you now I can't even do a push-up, not even a girl push-up. When asked to rate my athletic ability I ranked myself a two- I can breathe and walk. My body is going to be shocked if I don't do some prep work! Below are some photos of people doing the CrossFit workouts. I will definitely keep everyone posted on this blessing I have been given!

It's Ok, Thursday: 7/19/2012

link up here

It's ok....

that this is the funniest website I have been to in a long time my life through kristen wiig

that stores are already putting out Halloween items (buh-bye summer)

that my ONE project for the summer was to finish my dressing room and it's almost complete

to totally look forward to Sunday night, True Blood (helllllo)

to stay in your p.j.'s all day, you deserve some alone time

to wear a one piece

to pin one zillion things in a day

that I still haven't been to a pool or beach this summer

that I am the most excited about the fact that I completed several loads of laundry

and to spice things up here's goes it's NOT ok...

to tell a couple trying to get pregnant ANY of the following things:

• You should just relax
• Don't worry, it will happen
• You're both still so young
• My spouse just has to look at me and we're pregnant
• Maybe it's a sign
• Are you pregnant yet?

Tomorrow is Friday, wa-hoo to all of you working people out there! Friday is my second favorite F word!

His Timing: 7/16/2012

   I don't know where to begin with this post. I have been going through a trial, one that God is testing me with. I feel like I am growing stronger in my faith and realizing what I want more and more. Without going into too much detail I am surprised by Him and the direction he has taken my life. I am sure many of you can say that you didn't imagine yourself as you are you at whatever age or place you are in your life. For me this has been the struggle. I never thought I would be my age and almost angry at God. How selfish of me!? It's not up to me, I'm on His time, He has a plan for my life and I must trust His path for me. Each morning I repeat this scripture to myself as I thank God for another day and plea with him for what my heart desires.

Jeremiah 29:11

   I can't believe it's taken my ALL summer to write a post. It's a testament to how unfocused I have been and slacking off on things that make me happy. I hope to continue to write out my feelings and thoughts through my  blog as  well as my journal. For me it's therapeutic and cleansing. A lot of time has spent reading 50 Shades of Grey, The Girl Who Played with Fire, and The Bible. I recommend all three to you! I've also spent time being a new mommy to our latest addition: Birdie Bell, she is a teacup morkie (Maltese mommy + Yorkie daddy = morkie)

    My new goal is to count my blessings and be grateful for the wonderful things I do have in my life and not to waste my energy on the things I don't have. I trust in Him and know that my ultimate dream of being called Mom will happen. If you are struggling with something I hope God wraps his love around you and comforts you. Remember that hardships are trials from God to make us stronger.

Oh, How Pinteresting! 5/23/2012



Link up here

I am so happy today is Wednesday! Tomorrow is our field day and then Friday is an early release day. Wow, this year has gone by quickly and I am ready for summer to start. Here are the pins I am loving this week:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF9XBYHrwtk&feature=player_embedded

I hope everyone reading this has a blessed day & remembers how much YOU are loved!