TTC

 
  
   This post is going to be about questions that are never answered in regards to trying to conceive. It's definitely probably  in my mind that the world is out to get me. Every other day someone I know is announcing their pregnancy on facebook, instagram, or through a picture text. Celebrities and people in the media are always getting knocked up, coworkers, acquaintances, pregnancy is flipping everywhere! Was I blind to this before I started wanting a baby? Yes, probably. I can admit that I was aggravated to death when a certain celebrity whose family has a show on the E! network confirmed her pregnancy. Did I feel bad for myself, maybe a little; but I felt genuine hurt for her sister who has publicly addressed her own infertility. Sometimes I believe, based on my actions I'm sure, that people are hesitant to tell me about a pregnancy. I don't want that misconception, I am happy for the blessings of others, truly. I don't particularly like that our journey to conceive has been such a long and difficult one, but I do know that He is teaching us a lesson, helping us to be better people and He has great plans for us. My faith alone has made this journey bearable.
   I hear people say, "Oh, we are trying, too." and my immediate thought is, "Really, what are ya'll doing?" "Are they temping, using OPK's, trying the sperm meets egg method?". I mean, my mind races with questions. It's ridiculous. My younger sister Caroline thinks I am insane and that my constant obsession is preventing me from getting pregnant. But I can't not think about it. How do you not think about it? No, it doesn't consume my every waking thought, that is not what I am saying, I don't need to be committed yet. Ha ha. There are certain moments in my life where I can't not think about it. Plain and simple. Yesterday I had a cycle day 21 progestrone check (most of you are thinking cycle day, what the heck) and upon returning home I found a package that my sister Claire sent me. It's a book titled Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I obviously began reading it right away. It has graphic pictures and a cd, it's awesome. We have a goal in mind and until then I will have questions, doubts, even fears, but the greatest thing we both have is our hope.
  Wow, it feels good to put my random, graphic, tmi questions and thoughts out into the universe. In God's time I will be pregnant.